"That is the person you’ll be replacing. She doesn’t know that we’re going to fire her yet, so please don’t say anything. We need her to train you."
"… And this is the beer fridge."
"How quickly can you load a handgun?"
"Didn’t we hire the hot chick in the red dress?"
"We dont provide web browsers on the PCs in this agency because people might use them." (employee was hired to build them an intranet and write all their web pages).
"Welcome to Microsoft. You know the company name was inspired by a remark made by Mrs. Gates on their honeymoon!"
(said to a guy) "Wonder what you would look like in a white sundress?"
"This is the best we could find in 48 hours!"
"Hey, if you see the new guy, tell him I’m not here. Make up something about a family emergency or some junk. My tee-off time’s in ten minutes…"
"Did you get those projections done that I asked for on Friday?"
"Around here, we put the FUN in dysFUNctual"
"If you bring a weapon to work, keep it hidden."
"Since you’re female, I can’t ask you to walk with me to the restroom, so I guess I’ll have to discuss your duties here."
"Hello … Had any sex lately?"
"Despite what your coworkers say, that’s not a blood stain."